Vet tech…

I walked into the vet with my dog’s leash in one hand & a bag of shit in the other.

We were greeted by a vet tech & I asked “Who’s the lucky one who gets to take this?”

She replied “That would be me. Its like Christmas everyday.”


Getting drugs off the street?

​It’s all fun & games until an old lady chews you the fuck out:

Telling you that you’re a bad person, that you should be out there getting drugs off the street instead of writing parking tickets (though you point at your hat which says “Parking Enforcement”), that you’re only targeting senior citizens, & that you should “get a real job!”

That awkward moment…

That awkward moment when you’re in Target, shopping, walking around, & an announcement goes over the loud speaker.

The announcement says that IF there is an alarm after the announcement that the building needs to be evacuated.

Then it goes away, so you continue to shop, until lights begin to flash & an alarm beings to sound.

A whole hoard of people begin to make their way down the escalator, bringing their carriages & baskets full of stuff.

As you all near the front of the store, people begin to put baskets on the floor & leave carriages in isles as the Target crew tells everyone to evacuate.

Only to have the crew at the door tell you its a false alarm & turn you around.

And you awkwardly stand in line, waiting to be rung out, while the alarm continues to sound…

The knock back…

I was walking down the street earlier when a couple guys drove by me & said “Hey, there’s a really good ticket for you around the corner.” I thought to myself ‘why not?’ & wandered over.

As I rounded the corner, I could see a car that had driven down a one way road the wrong way, parked on the right side . 

I walked up to the car & knocked twice on the driver’s side window. The driver raised his hand & knocked twice back. I’m not gonna lie, I was annoyed.

He then opened the door & I said “You know you’re on a one way street facing the wrong direction?”

He looked at me & said “No, I didn’t know that.” I could tell right off the bat that something was off with him.

Next I told him “You need to turn around & face the right way.”

He said “I will in 2……” And mumbled off the rest of the sentence.

I said “Two minutes?”

He said “No, two seconds”

I watched as he started the car, proceeded to do a U-turn & pulled out into a rotary, all in super slow motion. 

I called my boss to tip me off that there may be a drunk driver heading down the street & I walked away…