You catch them, imprison them, and force them to fight for you…..sounds like slavery to me.


Talking to a coworker…

I was having a conversation with a coworker about being vegetarian.

Him: What are you having for lunch today, tuna?

Me: No, I don’t eat meat.

Him: What are you a vegan?

Me: No, I’m a vegetarian. I don’t eat anything that screams when you cut into it.

Him: Fish don’t scream & what about the poor vegetables?

Me: Fish may not scream, but when’s the last time you cut into an apple and it jumped off your plate?

Him: Fair enough. Have a good day.

Why I’m vegetarian…

Back in 2001, PETA was airing commercials that had a voice over by Alec Baldwin. They basically showed the way animals are treated before they died in slaughterhouses. At the end of the commercial it said to go to goveg.com for a vegetarian starter kit.

I had seen the commercial a few times before, but one day I watched it and decided to see what the kit was about. I received a pamphlet and a DVD called “Meet Your Meat” (It was an extended 12 minute version of the commercial).

After watching it, I decided to give vegetarian a try for a week, out of respect for the animals. I didn’t feel well for that week, so I decided to give it another week and decided to give it a real chance.

It was really hard at first, because the vegetarian options weren’t the same back then. I had also never had tofu before that point and I didn’t know how to get the protein I needed. Needless to say, I ate a lot of veggie burgers. It’s been 16 years now and I can honestly say that I don’t regret it one bit.

Parked car…

I was sitting in my car, at the end of the day, with it running, when the guy who owned the truck parked next to me came back. 

I wouldn’t have even noticed him, but he hit my car when he opened his door. 

I gave him a dirty look, went back to what I was doing, then he hit my car again. 

I turned towards him again, ready to say “What the fuck?” when I realized he was standing there, in between our two cars, taking a leak. 

I understand that sometimes you’ve got to go, but seriously?!?!? People fucking suck…

Take out…

That awkward moment when you walk into a pub for lunch, you start to give your order, a woman sitting at the bar interrupts you and says “Oh, are you the ticket guy? Did you give me a ticket?”, you answer “I don’t know what you drive” as you go back to ordering, then the guy next to her asks the same idiotic question to where you repeat the same thing, then he pulls out his phone to take a picture of you while saying “we’ll see if anyone on Facebook knows this guy”, you put your arm up to block your face, he tells his friends “tell me when he looks”, and then you walk out, call the restaurant and tell them to cancel your order because you’re never coming back…

Target bathroom…

I just walked into a Target bathroom to the overwhelming smell of shit. To my surprise there was a guy, leaning over the baby changing station, grubbing down on a cup of noodles. That would’ve been gross an any day, given its a bathroom, but how appetizing is the smell of shit, really???