Lock out…

I walking in a parking lot earlier, trying to get my steps in, when a woman approached me.

She said “Excuse me. I just locked my keys in my car, do you think the police could help me get in?”

I said “Probably, what year is your car?”

She said “It’s old, 2002.”

And I said “Yeah, I bet they can. Do you want to call them?” 

She apparently had also locked her phone in her car, so I took it upon myself to call for her. 

As we were waiting she informed me that she was smoking a bowl in her car when she noticed a mother walk by with a baby carriage. She panicked and jumped out of her car, locking the doors behind her.

She asked me “Do you think the police will mind that I was smoking weed?”

I replied “uhm, isn’t it legal now? You don’t have over an ounce in your car, right?”

She said “No, just a bowl pack.”

I said “Just make sure you tell them that someone gave it to you.”

And she said “I grew it.”

I was like “yeah…”

Just then the cruiser was pulling into the lot. She turned to me and said “Do you think they’re gonna say anything about my license being expired?”

I said “You don’t have a license?!? When did it expire??”

She said “May 6th”

I said “Yeah… I definitely wouldn’t mention that.”

The cop got out of his cruiser, another cop pulled up with the slim jim. In a minute the car was opened and the woman said “Excuse the smell.”

The other cop was still right there and I was convinced that they were gonna arrest this lady. Then the first cop asked “Can I see your license? I need to make sure you’re not some random person.”

She said “Sure, sorry it’s expired”

He said “You know you’re not supposed to be driving AT ALL, right? This car needs to stay here until you have a license. Why is it expired?”

And she replied “Parking tickets”

Then she grabbed her stuff, thanked all of us, and walked away.

What a crazy day…



That awkward moment when a guy approaches you on the side of the street, tells you that he thinks you’re a good guy, goes on to tell you an elaborate story about how he saved a baby bird that day, then closes by quoting Alex Jones and talking about his theories on chemtrails…

Fidget spinner…

I was just sitting in a comic book shop, playing with my fidget spinner, when a couple little kids stormed in & said “Hey, do you have any fidget spinners?”

I stopped it mid-spin & both kids jolted their heads towards me, like they were ready to pounce.

I quickly said “I didn’t get this here” and I instantly could see the disappointment in their eyes as they turned back to the store manager and realized that their dreams of owning a fidget spinner of their very own had just been shattered…