I walked up to a crosswalk yesterday, a girl was sitting there, parked on a crosswalk. I motioned to her to move the car, she shook her head ‘yes’, so I stood off to the side just to make sure.

Over the next minute I watched her put the car in reverse, back up, stop, back up a little more, stop, put her left blinker on, edge out, stop.

Finally I stepped out to block traffic for her & waved her on. She still didn’t move.

I decided to walk back up to her car & said “You’re having a lot of trouble with this, huh?”

She replied “I’m just waiting for my mom.”

I said “Do you have your license?”

She said “no.”

I said “Learner’s permit?

And she said “Yeah.”

I said “Ok, where did your mom go?”

She told me that “she went into the store to buy an envelope.”

I went into the store and started to look around, then thought ‘how am I gonna know what the hell she looks like?’ So I went out and back up to the car.

I said “Who’s idea was it to park here?”

She replied “My mom told me to pull over and wait for her.”

I said “Ok, well your mom is getting a ticket. This is on her, not you.”

I started to write the ticket, when I noticed that her mom had finally come out. I approached her and told her that it sets a really bad example telling a student driver to park on a crosswalk, knowing that they can’t drive away without you & that this ticket was for her, not her daughter.

Then I walked away…


Weed Wacker…

The lawnmower broke, so I just cut my whole backyard with a weed wacker.

Does it look like it was cut with a weed wacker? Yes, but I assure you the grass is shorter.

I’m considering this one a win.

Cough syrup…

I was in Target ready to buy cough syrup when the girl ringing me up said, “I need to see your ID”

I said “Oh, I guess that’s so I don’t use this to make crystal meth.”

She said, “No, they only care if you’re under 18 and planning to make meth. Otherwise they don’t care. They assume anyone over 18 won’t know what meth is.”

We both laughed, then the older woman behind me made a joke, “Well I can’t buy whatever you’re talking about, because I’m obviously not over 18.”

I said, “Well I guess no cough syrup forĀ  you than, ma’am. You’re gonna have to tough this one out.” Then I walked away…

Lost in Translation…

I just came across a car that was parked directly in front of a fire hydrant. After writing a ticket, an Asian gentleman appeared next to me with a very questionable look on his face.

He informed me that he had just gone to get medicine. Immediately I realized that there was a language barrier.

I directed his attention towards the bright red fire hydrant that was sticking out of the ground, next to his car. He pointed towards the half hour sign, then added that he’s here from South Korea, for work, and isn’t familiar with our customs.

I said “You parked right next to a fire hydrant.”

He told me that he didn’t know what it was when he parked next to it.

I asked “So you’re telling me that there are no fire hydrants in South Korea? Let’s see what Google has to say about that. Also, do you have a license in the United States?”

I showed him pictures of fire hydrants from South Korea and that seemed to spark his memory. He told me that they’re different in South Korea and then walked over to the building next to us to act out how they work. Then he told me that he paid money to be able to use his Korean license in the United States.

He asked me where to pay for the ticket, and I told him about five times where to go. I’m fairly confident he still had no idea what I was talking about, then he mentioned a lesson he’s learning about the US and I agreed that this was a good lesson for him.

Then I said “Good talk” and walked away.

Yes, that really just happened…

Unexpected moment…

I was just watching an episode of “The Newsroom” when a part that really had nothing to do with any ongoing plot happened & I started to cry.

Not just tear up, but genuinely cry.

It makes me think. It’s been almost 3 years since I lost my dad. Is this something that never really heals? Am I damaged?

Is this far too serious for a mostly comical blog that no one reads anyway?