Toilet paper

There’s something to be said about walking into a thai food restaurant carrying a 12 pack of Charmin’s Ultra Soft toilet paper…

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Meg Griffin…

I just had a conversation with a Jamaican woman about the weather & Chinese food. I know that doesn’t seem like an interesting story, but she was dressed like Meg Griffin to a T. She had a pink Rasta hat (same exact shade as Meg Griffin’s), a pink sweater/T-shirt (same shade) & jeans on. Maybe the heat’s just getting to me…

Sleep shopping?

My gf’s bed is on stilts which makes it hard to get into it. Her friends were visiting this weekend & we were joking around about getting a mini trampoline, so we could bounce into bed at night. Funny thought, but not so practical. I figured I’d humor the idea & look into trampolines. I was apparently more tired than I had originally thought & I took a nap. What I didn’t know is that my phone was unlocked & open to a $350 PT trampoline on Amazon. Long story short, my trampoline will arrive Thursday….

Driving…

I try to obey the driving laws for the most part. I do speed, as I said in an earlier post, but never so accessive that I would endanger anyone else. That definitely is not true for a lot of the people around here.

I’m probably exaggerating, being that I’m annoying, but it seems like one out of every four people actually has some idea of how to drive, two more of those watch and learn from the others, but that last one is an accident waiting to happen.

On a side note, don’t pull up to a parking garage & stop like you’re admiring the Eiffel tower. If you live in the US, I’m guessing you’ve seen a parking garage before. If not, then maybe you should:

A.) Get out more

Or

B.) Stop driving

Maybe it’s just me….or maybe people suck

BMW…

I was driving to work, I’m not gonna lie I was speeding, & I came up behind a BMW. He would have been lucky if he was going 30 mph. I get it if you want to go the speed limit, if you’re an old man, but:

You don’t buy a BMW for the gas mileage, because if you can afford the car you can definitely afford the gas.

You don’t buy a BMW to go the speed limit, you buy one because they can go faster than your average Toyota.

You definitely don’t buy one to get in front of me while I’m trying to get to work, and drive so slow that it makes me think that the car is stolen & you’re doing everything in your power not to get pulled over…

Moral of the story is, if you’re gonna drive like the elderly, it’s time to trade in your BMW for a Buick.

Talking my ear off…

I was walking, trying to find some shade, when a man walked up to me & started to talk to me. I was clearly sweating profusely, but he just continued to talk. On & on, at speeds that would give the Micro Machine Man a run for his money. He went from talking about the weather, to air pollution, to Putin, to his diet… I attempted to end the conversation numerous times, but he kept on going. After about 10 minutes of this, I was finally able to break free & find some shade. Next time I see him coming, I’m turning & going the other way.