That awkward moment when you walk into a pub for lunch, you start to give your order, a woman sitting at the bar interrupts you and says “Oh, are you the ticket guy? Did you give me a ticket?”, you answer “I don’t know what you drive” as you go back to ordering, then the guy next to her asks the same idiotic question to where you repeat the same thing, then he pulls out his phone to take a picture of you while saying “we’ll see if anyone on Facebook knows this guy”, you put your arm up to block your face, he tells his friends “tell me when he looks”, and then you walk out, call the restaurant and tell them to cancel your order because you’re never coming back…
I just walked into a Target bathroom to the overwhelming smell of shit. To my surprise there was a guy, leaning over the baby changing station, grubbing down on a cup of noodles. That would’ve been gross an any day, given its a bathroom, but how appetizing the smell of shit, really???
I went from being late for everything to getting places before the door is unlocked.
Time is not my friend…
When you’re working on a Saturday, about to call it a day and someone drives by and screams “FAG!”
You turn to get their plate number and just catch yourself from flipping them off…
When your metaphoric rain cloud turns into a real one…
I feel like this is a continuation of yesterday’s post…
It was the end of the day and I was walking back to the station. I was walking by that lot that had been paved. There were cones blocking the entry way, because it hadn’t been lined yet.
Some giant red sedan had pulled up onto the sidewalk, around the cones, and parked there.
I couldn’t help but think “really???”
I started to write a ticket when a heavyset man, carrying a huge bag, came out of Brueggers. He looked pissed.
He said “Hey, what are you doing? I’m trying to do business here!!!”
I said “Yeah and you’re parked on the sidewalk.”
He asked “Where do you expect me to park?”
I turned around and pointed to other spots and said “Anywhere but here. There are legal spots around… You’re getting the ticket.”
He replied “Shove it up your ass!!!”
I said “I don’t think it’ll fit up there.”
Then he slammed his car door and started to back up. I had to move out of the way, so he wouldn’t hit me.
I was standing next to his car and asked “Do you want your ticket?” He didn’t even look at me.
Then I said “Ok, I’ll just mail it to you then.” And he drove away.
Now the title of this blog is finally starting to make sense, isn’t it?
I was just walking down the street, trying to finish my day off, when a car pulled up and the driver asked if he could have a couple minutes of my time.
I recognized the plate as a car that I had ticketed earlier, but I decided to humor him and agreed anyway.
He was pretty jacked up, with two fully sleeved arms, he looked like he could very easily join the cast of Jersey Shore.
He approached me with his ticket in hand and said “I’m the manager of the dry cleaners and they’re paving the lot today. I got this ticket earlier and was wondering if you could do anything to help me out?”
I said “You were in a 1 hour spot for 2 hours.”
He said “Come on buddy, I’ve been working in this city for years and the lot is being paved.”
I said “How long have you been manager there for?”
He said “8 years.”
I asked “Do you have a permit?”
He asked “What good would that do?”
And I said “You could park down the street in the permit parking.”
He said “Listen buddy, I don’t drive to work just so I can walk.”
I said “Well I guess you pay your $20 ticket then.”
If this were on a TV show, there would have been a lot of bleeps after that as he told me what he thought of me. One interesting thing he said was “At least my job helps society. You’re just a nuisance.”
I told him to have a great day and walked away.
Needless to say, I will not be doing business with that dry cleaners in the future…
When you have a craving for Chinese food and decide to order from the local restaurant. You get the order confirmation in your email and 20 minutes later your brother goes to pick it up.
When he gets there they tell him that they never got the order. Your brother shows them the confirmation email, then they change their story and claim that they have the order but didn’t cook it because they were never paid.
By this point he’s been in the restaurant for 15 minutes and he tells them that it’s not his money and he has to call you. He steps outside and calls.
You check your bank and confirm that the charge never went through and wonder why they couldn’t just charge the card that you gave them online like you have numerous times before.
You decide to cut your losses and order from somewhere else, because this restaurant has now been giving you the run around for 40 minutes.
You decide on Thai and order it from Door Dash.
Minutes later you receive a call from the Chinese restaurant telling you that they cooked your food. It is now a half hour since your brother left, telling them not to do anything until he told them to.
You tell them to cancel the order and the man on the phone argues with you, until asking to speak to your brother. He then continues to argue with your brother and claim things that never happened until finally agreeing to cancel the order.
Needless to say, we need to find a new Chinese food restaurant…
Sean Spicer resigned today. I can’t imagine that’s gonna help their ratings. I would love to see Jerry Springer take his place. It would be a nice addition to the sideshow & I would definitely watch that…
It’s pretty sad when you wake up at 3:30am and you’ve already gotten more sleep than you do on any average night…